This is a story about a boy, not yet a man, but not really a boy. He understood the realities of life, but still, he clung onto the fragile pieces of hope for the world, for a story tale ending. He grew up in a middle class family in the rural area, where he excelled in his studies and was one of the brightest students there. This boy’s name was Nico, and he never asked to live a life so miserable, so complicated. He wanted to earn enough money to support his family and to find the love of his life and marry her, live happily ever after… But it wasn’t meant to be.
Nico’s best friend, Loki, was a class clown, never really excelling in anything and was just a very friendly guy. However, Nico was always jealous of Loki because he had something Nico was very curious about… Love. Loki had a girlfriend and from Nico’s point of view, they were happy and although Nico was glad Loki had it good. Nico felt discontent, he wanted to feel love, to be as happy as the two of them and most importantly, find someone he felt right with.
As fate would have it, Nico found her and she was everything he wanted, smart, witty, independent, kind, honest yet understanding. Nico didn’t know what to do, but with the help of a mutual friend, he was able to meet her. He wooed her for over a year and finally, after confessing his feelings to her, they were together.
However, this didn’t turn out to be the happily ever after he thought it’d be... She had a short temper and erratic mood swings, and Nico didn’t know what to do, due to his inexperience. Almost one month into the relationship, he bought a necklace for her, and was about to present it to her when she broke up with him. He didn’t know what had happened at that time, when he thought he was doing alright, she dumped him without an explanation. He broke.
At that time, he had just started studying in a new school, where normally he would have fit in fine, he crumbled and failed. Amongst people who had been one of the best in their old schools, he could do nothing in his distracted mind, he couldn’t study and so his happy life changed for the worse.
Over the two years in his new school, he could not forget her. He suffered every time he heard her name and saw her face. It nearly killed him when he heard she had gotten a new guy just months after him. He told himself he was over-reacting and that his life was worth more than that. However, there was nothing that could get him out of that deep dark hole that she left in him.
After leaving school, he was enlisted in the army, serving 2 years for his country allowed him to recuperate and build a new life. However, the new life he built over the ruins of his fantasy dream was too different, he went out into the nightlife, he partied and drank, he found girls that were as broken as him and tried to glue the broken pieces of his life together. Then, he found a girl, an innocent girl who in the dark world full of deceit hadn’t lost her purity and light. Also, she hadn’t lost the spark of hope and waited for a prince to sweep her off her feet. So, he did just that.
He promised her a happy life, the one that he had so yearned for in the past. He promised her safety and shelter, the one that he so badly needed. He promised her his love, the one that he had already given away.
Nico realized that no matter how perfect she was… He could not love her with his heart so damaged, he fought himself over the decision to stay with her and have a chance of recovery but a higher chance of hurting her even more, or to end it right then and there, to hurt her, but not leaving too much damage.
He asked himself if he thought it could last, if he thought he could continue being in a relationship in which he could not love, that was when he got his answer. He left her, telling her everything, how he felt, why he felt it and what he thought, hearing this she cried and pleaded but in the end, she understood. For that, Nico was eternally grateful, he knew that he could not return to her even after he mended his heart, but he felt that if he had met her first, before anything had happened, he would have been happy.
After that, he went back into his old routine of drinking and nightlife, but this time, he felt more alive, his heart felt fuller. This however, did not bring about any good news; he went from club to club finding girls to toy with, to fill in the remaining holes in his heart. On one of those nights, he found a girl, who while he danced with her asked him in a cautious tone, “Are you like all the other guys? Will you leave me like they did?” Not knowing how troubled she was, Nico simply hugged her close and told her that he wasn’t like other guys.
After that night, Nico decided to break his rule of not meeting any club girls outside the club and went out with her. After a few dates, he decided to start a relationship with her, which turned out to be a really bad idea. With the label of girlfriend in place, he realised that he could not get himself to commit himself to her. He felt the label too important for a girl he just met in a club. So he broke up with her, again explaining to her everything, making sure she wouldn’t feel that all guys were the same.
While thinking back, he felt the label of girlfriend too binding in his second relationship and in the first, too loose. He got afraid of being in a relationship and commitment seemed too serious a decision to be made. Understanding himself better than he had four years ago, Nico set rules for him, to ensure that he wouldn’t hurt himself or any other girls.
Just a month after he set those rules, he broke them, he met a girl, Min… His first impression of her wasn’t all that great, but after getting to know her, he felt interested. He wanted to know more about her, so he asked her out… Nico felt his heart healing faster than he thought possible, he felt happy with her, but now afraid of commitment, he avoided the relationship. However, Min was insecure, without a label, she didn’t know if Nico would just leave her. Nico didn’t want to lose her, so to sooth her, he decided to ask her to be his girlfriend, and so it started again.
Nico had a bad feeling about how it would turn out, but over two weeks, his fears were gone, he was happily into the relationship with Min and was satisfied with the way things were. However, nearing the one month anniversary, he felt that she was distancing herself, he started to get afraid, perhaps a little paranoid. The gaps that were able to seal up the trauma from his first relationship opened up. He thought again about the situation, after finishing his national service, he was just starting university, and one month into the relationship, he felt the uneasiness again.
He relapsed. He couldn’t sleep, he kept thinking what would happen if the same thing happened again. He wouldn’t be able to take it. So he went to ask her what was wrong, she replied saying it was nothing, that she was just not in the mood to talk to him. Mood swings she said…
Erratic mood swings… Nico felt an all too familiar feeling…
Nevertheless, he still decided to wait, and hope, and trust that she wouldn’t break him, and this time into pieces that would probably never be repaired.
Labels: Story, storytime
I adopted a cute lil' ninja fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!
I adopted a cute lil' tempura fetus
from Fetusmart! mm..yummy.
